I dreamed about my mom last night.
I had a work meeting in the hospital and she was in an ICU room there. And yes – I had forgotten my pants because that’s what dreams do. I was running back and forth from the meeting to visit my mom, then to text my family to update them on her status.
In my dream she died. Multiple times. And the doctors brought her back to life – and not her groggy, low hemoglobin life, but her vibrant, funny, big smile life. Each time she would tell me how glad she was to be alive.
And then she would die again. And then she would be up and smiling again. Over and over as I was running pantsless to meetings.
At one point I told her I was so glad she was alive so we could take one last picture together. I then spent the rest of my dream looking for a good background for the photo. I don’t remember ever getting to take the photo in my dream, but I do remember looking around for things that she loved to be the backdrop.
A budding tree
A cloud-filled sky
Birds flying overhead
Tulips emerging in the garden
Then I woke up. I got myself dressed – happy to say I remembered my pants – to go work out with my sister. As soon as I got out of my car I embraced her and started crying. We cried together for a minute about mom. About feeling there are still lingering “this is the last thing…” moments. About missing her dearly.
She is lingering with me today and that may just be how today goes. A little melancholy as I move through this day looking for things my mom loves. Luckily it is Spring, so there is an abundance of budding trees, cloud-filled skies, birds flying overhead, and tulips emerging from the garden.